i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
