my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
