i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
