Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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