well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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