he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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