I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
