respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
