Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
