This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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