I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
