You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
