Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
