Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
