me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
