is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
