6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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