Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
