you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
