Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
