Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
