Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
