I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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