shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
