HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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