it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
