We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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