He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
