ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
