Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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