Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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