My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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