at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
