Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
