If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
