We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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