i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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