if you like me you must not know who I am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
