And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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