I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize