i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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