yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
