I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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