my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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