its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
