you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
as a side note pls kill me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
