I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize