First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
