hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
