he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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