I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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