I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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