Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
