She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
