good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think i have two assholes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
