I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
