OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
