Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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