It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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