I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
