I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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