Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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