yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
