in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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