he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
