I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
