just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
