I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
