I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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