i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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